The path of understanding, healing, and growth that leads to a healthier you.

I am passionate about helping people reach a level of self-understanding, healing, and growth that offers them the opportunity to transform their lives and flourish. 

While working with my patients, I strive to help them discover the root of the issues they are facing. My approach incorporates healing interventions that help them accept and embrace every part of themselves through self-love and compassion. Compassion is at the core of the therapeutic work I do with each individual patient. 

People who come to me for therapy face a variety of struggles, including personal relationship failures, work conflicts, parenting difficulties, chronic physical ailments, and difficulty setting boundaries. They often feel at a loss for options and are experiencing high levels of anxiety, depression, and a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.  Many have tried to self-treat their conditions with eating, drinking, physical activity, self-help books, and a myriad of alternatives, in hopes of finding relief by distracting themselves from the weight of their issues.  Although they may experience a sense of relief for a time, they soon find themselves struggling with similar difficulties in the same or other areas of their lives. For example, it is not a coincidence that someone who leaves an abusive relationship finds themselves in an unnervingly similar relationship with someone else.  Because the root of the issue was not addressed, the self-treatment solution served as only a temporary break from their suffering. 

When guided through the process of self-exploration, people are better able to understand themselves, their emotional wounds, and their patterns of dealing with life challenges. Being able to reach a deeper level of awareness is the gateway to long-term healing. 

I have often seen in my practice people who are not fully aware of the emotional wounds they carry and how they manifested in their lives. Furthermore, they cannot clearly see the impact those festering wounds have on themselves and their relationships with others. Once they understand the origin of their emotional wounds, they can begin developing self-compassion, and for the first time, experience self-love, which ultimately leads to healing.  What follows is a notable and lasting improvement in their mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being. 

The process of healing from past trauma can be both challenging and overwhelming at times. Still, healing requires acknowledging, validating, and feeling our pain to heal from our collected emotional wounds. Despite wanting to convince ourselves otherwise, pain and trauma do not simply go away or disappear because we refuse to acknowledge it.  Dismissive comments like, “After all, it happened in the past, why talk about it now,” and “It’s not going to change anything,” are intended to make us ignore the problem altogether.  Nor can we fill voids in our life by changing external factors, (i.e., where we live, work, or the people we interact with).  

When we do not address our pain and allow ourselves to heal from it, the symptoms of our wounds reveal themselves in different ways, including a sense of worthlessness, toxic/unhealthy relationships, physical pain, and repeating destructive behaviors, to name a few.   This is not about trying to erase the memories of our past or pretend they do not exist. This process is about healing from those wounds, so they no longer adversely impact our future. Once a level of internal healing is obtained, we will have the insight to make healthier choices that allow us to change our world around us for the better. 

I have patients ask me at the start of therapy how long the process will take, and how soon they can expect to feel better.  These are normal and reasonable questions, as none of us wants our pain to linger one second longer than it needs to.  I tell them that change is possible, but it takes time, dedication, and commitment, along with the right therapist to guide them through the process. 

I have watched patients, who initially doubted the process, find the courage to commit to it and ultimately reap the profound emotional benefits of addressing complicated issues that festered within. This is a process that with commitment allowed them to reach levels of insight and healing that significantly improved the quality of their lives.

When you allow yourself the opportunity first to understand, then heal from your emotional wounds, you open the gateway to grow, transform and flourish in life. 

The days, weeks, and months will continue moving forward whether we hold on to our pain or start the process of relieving ourselves of carrying that heavy burden. I hope you consider the path that ultimately leads to a healthier and happier version of you.  You are worth every minute of time and effort that it will take to complete that journey. 

If what I write about resonates with you, please talk to someone. Reach out for help and allow yourself to understand your pain, heal from it, and transform your life for a healthier future.

Dr. Cristina Gómez

The healing path from emotional trauma

One of my passions is understanding trauma and the impact it has on the lives of the people I treat in my practice. My interest in this field comes from my own experience with trauma. This should not come as a surprise as it is likely most of us have experienced some level of trauma in our lives. 

 There are many factors and layers associated with trauma, but in this writing, I will touch on one specifically.  Developmental trauma. 

Developmental trauma, or childhood trauma, is not something we only experience after we are born, its roots can be established at conception. Prenatal factors include but are not limited to: the circumstances through which we are conceived, whether domestic violence was involved; the presence of substance abuse during pregnancy; a mother’s mental health; poverty; and/or nutritional neglect; among others.  All of these experiences and circumstances can, and will, impact the unborn child as the brain and nervous systems develop. In addition, the child’s experience after birth, such as abuse, neglect, can continue to impact their development and emotional wellbeing. 

It is likely we will not see the impact of this trauma until we are adults creating a life of our own through intimate relationships, parenting, and professional interactions.  When we struggle through moments of personal conflict, we often tell ourselves and others, “I have always been this way” or “This is just how I am.” But it is important to ask ourselves one very important question. Why am I like this, and where did this all begin? 

If someone is struggling with interpersonal relationships, addictions, anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, lack of confidence, I encourage them to consider the very real possibility of the existence of deep and long standing emotional wounds that have yet to be understood and meaningfully attended to.  

One of the many reasons I am passionate about working with trauma survivors is because I hope to help them understand and heal these emotional wounds.  Because many people conveniently slide their issues into the, “This is just who I have always been” category, they are not consciously aware that the wounds even exist. Often people navigate through daily life in a functional survival mode having not been able to experience the sense of inner peace that comes with a deeper understanding of themselves. 

 My goal as a psychologist is for people to heal and reach a level of wellbeing where they experience joy and fulfillment by practicing self-compassion, kindness, and developing self-love. My hope is that their healing will not just improve the quality of their lives, but positively impact future generations of their families and loved ones.

Healing from trauma is not something that happens overnight, any more than emotional wounds were created overnight. In trauma, we often lose touch with our bodies as we slip into survival mode. The experience is so overwhelming for our brains that we either fight, flee or freeze in order to stay alive. 

 We might think that our physical ailments and medical problems are hereditary; however, chronic stress related to developmental trauma can put considerable demands on our brain and nervous systems which will reveal itself in the form of significant physiological issues. If we do not attend to our emotional wounds, our body will not simply let them go because we either choose not to address them, or subconsciously wish them away. And our body will remember. These wounds will eventually manifest themselves in any number of painful ways, including migraine headaches, sleep disruption, digestive problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, fibromyalgia and even cancer.  

In the healing process we learn to connect with and befriend our bodies. We learn to practice kindness and compassion towards ourselves, allowing us to know ourselves at the core of who we are. This process gives way to embracing every part of our being with love, compassion, nurturing, encouragement and support.  Things we all need and deserve. 

Although some issues may be initially uncomfortable to address and talk about, the result of healing from developmental trauma will enhance the quality of your life, and the lives of your loved ones. In my work healing trauma, my goal is to help individuals learn to trust that they are the most important person they will spend the rest of their life with. 

Healing is a process, and it is possible for those willing to explore and fully understand themselves. If you want to learn more about this, talk to a professional who can help guide you to a happier existence.  

Dr. Cristina Gómez, Psy.D.

“You” in the relationship

We often worry about why we cannot seem to find a partner who can love us, see us for who we are, and who would want to be with us for the rest of our lives.

Relationships can be complicated due to many factors. I have noticed when working with individuals in my practice many people have expectations of what love is based on what we are taught by society, what we see on television, in the movies, what we hear in song lyrics and what we fantasize the ideal relationship to be.  But we are also unaware there are other significant factors that draw us into relationships. Factors that include early development influences and relationships that shaped who we are today.  We subconsciously find ourselves searching for someone to fill that early development void that many of us carry with us in life. But in reality, we are the only ones who can fill that void and heal. 

 Attachment Patterns: 

Attachment theory designates three main attachment patterns or ways in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in relationships. Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. 

Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Anxious people crave intimacy, are usually worried or preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to be concerned with their partner’s ability to love them back. Avoidant people might experience intimacy as a loss of independence and often try to minimize closeness.

I am going to point out two of the attachment patterns I see most in people. In infancy, a child learns to relate to his/her caregiver based on the comfort and security received. Our individual attachment pattern has much to do with how we relate with others, particularly in romantic relationships. If we experienced inconsistency with our early attachment figures we tend to feel anxious and insecure about our partner in our present life. We fear they are going to leave us, and we are constantly testing that theory to make sure they will not. In many cases the one thing we are so afraid of does happen as our partners feel defeated and unable to meet our needs. 

The flip side of that coin is secure attachment, where we experienced consistency in our early relationships with our caregivers. We trust ourselves, and we trust others. Even in adulthood when our relationships fail, although we feel sadness, deep down we know we are good enough and over time can accept the loss.

People often tell me they want to improve their communication skills with a goal of improving their personal relationships. Although communication issues certainly can negatively impact a relationship, I suggest to my patients that communication is just one component of the equation.  

I encourage my patients to start from the beginning by building a healthy relationship with themselves. Many ask what I mean by that, as they often focus on their end-goal objective of safeguarding the love of their partner.  During these sessions I wonder if they truly love themselves and, if so, what does that mean to them.  And just as importantly, do they actually trust themselves.  These are just some of the questions we explore in therapy to help individual gain new insight and understanding of themselves. 

A key component in the work I do is helping my patients develop a sense of self-awareness, or ability to “check-in” with themselves. To start that process I encourage them to ask themselves how they feel when they are in the company of that other person. This is the first step in learning about and developing a healthy relationship with themselves, with a key component learning how to trust oneself.  

Creating healthy relationships is never black and white and not as simple as following an established formula to get your partner to see you, love you, or believe in you. It begins with you first seeing, trusting, loving, caring, and fully knowing yourself. 

When a person develops a healthy relationship with themselves, is it easier to create healthy relationships with others. Not just romantic relationships, but friendships, relationships with family members, your children, and even co-workers and supervisors.  The way we treat ourselves is the way we teach others to treat us. 

If you would like to explore more about yourself and learn your attachment style, talk to someone. An individual does not have to be in crisis to seek help. There is always an opportunity to learn about yourself, grow, heal, and transform while developing and practicing self-love, compassion, and kindness. 

Dr. Cristina Gómez, Psy.D.

Selfishness vs. Self-love

In my profession as a psychologist I have discovered many of my clients are struggling with the belief they are selfish.  When I asked them what it means for them to be selfish, I usually get the same response, “I can’t say no to others, that would be selfish.”  They explain that they have been raised and taught by their parents/caregivers that while being kind and forgiving, they must always think of others before themselves. To insure the needs of others are met before their own.  The choice to put their needs ahead of others led them down a path of feeling guilty and inadequate. Having that social expectation instilled in them at an early age, it appears to me that people have learned to believe that putting their needs ahead of others is an act of selfishness.  I further asked my clients, “why can’t you give yourself the same consideration you so freely give others?” They often respond with a perplexed look, suggesting that question has never crossed their mind.  

I explain to them how I see selfishness and self-love as being remarkably different. Selfishness is the act of taking from others, using others, and even abusing others, in order to get what we want without consideration for their wellbeing. Self-love is taking care of our needs and wants without taking advantage of others in the process. And to be clear, the act of taking care of our needs, which might mean the needs of another may not be immediately met, does not make us neglectful or abusive.  We are only at our best to serve others once our needs have been met.   

When my clients find themselves facing the dilemma of distinguishing between whether their next choice is self-love or selfishness, I encourage them to ask themselves, “am I taking from others when I tell someone, no? If I decline to do what others want, am I abusing them?” I emphasize how important it is to recognize the need to be comfortable enough with ourselves to truly understand our individual needs and wants.  Through therapy, for the first time my clients begin to pay attention to themselves and their needs.  Something that perhaps has never been a part of who they are until that moment.  

Putting your needs before others is not selfish.  Being in tune with your feelings, and honoring your emotions is self-love.  This is not something that will come easily, especially if for most of your life you have had to ignore your feelings, wants and needs to accommodate someone else.  

I have witnessed the change and growth of many people in therapy as they began to discover themselves in ways they never imagined possible. I assure you that the more you practice self-love, it will soon become a healthy habit that will ultimately lead you to a more rewarding and fulfilling life.  Over time, the feelings of guilt and inadequacy for putting yourself ahead of others will be replaced with inner peace and well-being.  

Dr. Cristina Gómez, Psy.D.